What is English?
by ScarletEmpress2017
Summary: Allura and Coran speak the language but are far, far from knowledgeable of it's nuances. AKA the Paladins know slang and they don't, struggles ensue. [Credit for inspiration and much of the dialogue goes to tumblr user and Author pftones3482]
1. Up and Down

Pidge walked up to Lance as he and Coran were just finishing working on the cryo-pods. She was beyond excited, practically bouncing on her feet as she scurried up.

"Hey Lance!"

"What's up?

"You remember that video game we bought at the 'Space-Mall'?"

"How could I forget? You went totally ballistic when we couldn't play it!"

"Yeah, well guess what?"

"What?"

"Hunk and I managed to scrounge together a make-shift TV with Hunk's scaultrite cookies!"

Lance's eyes went wide and he gaped like a fish. For the first time Pidge had ever seen, the Blue Paladin was silent.

"Oh? Well, I'm glad you found a use for your toy there Number 5-" Coran praised when he was suddenly jolted out of his congratulations.

" _No freaking way!_ " Lance shouted.

" _Oh, yes way!_ " Pidge countered. "You up to play a few rounds?"

"Heck yeah I'm up for that!"

Just before the two paladins could leave Coran stopped them with a confused look.

"I'm sorry, why are you up?"

"What? Oh, it just means I'm available to do something."

"Oh, I see. It's Earth slang."

The two ambled off with excitement in their every step while Coran mulled over this new piece of information. A few minutes later, Shiro came in, a curious look on his face.

"Hey, Coran, have you seen the others?"

"Um, no. I don't know where they are, but I know they're together. Lance, Hunk, and Pidge are playing with Pidge's game."

"Alright, thanks."

And that was the end of it until about two quintants later when Hunk and Coran were working together in the kitchens when Lance walked in.

"Hey Hunk, ya'know Pidge's videogame?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Well, she was tinkering around with it and she thinks she's actually improved it."

"You're joking."

"Nope. And she's invited us to play. Wanna go a few rounds?"

"Yeah, I'm down for it!"

Hunk excused himself to leave but Coran stopped them, confusion on his face.

"Wait, why are you down? Are you alright?"

"Oh, no. I'm fine Coran!" Hunk explained. "I just meant I'm available to do something! I'll be back later to help, alright?"

With that the two humans left, leaving poor Coran completely baffled.


	2. Point

It was dinner time and Lance and Keith were at it yet again. At this point Shiro was just ignoring them, hoping they'd settle it on their own soon enough.

"You are so self-centered!"

"ME?"

"Yes you, _Lance_. You're always talking yourself, and I have yet to see you say one nice thing to anyone here!"

"I can be nice!"

"Prove it! Compliment someone – _other_ than Allura! – About their appearance."

Lance scrambled looking around for someone. Then his eyes fell to their favorite red-headed Altean and he knew what to say.

"Hey Coran, your mustache is on point today!"

Shiro proceeded to facepalm at their antics as Allura and Coran looked at each other in confusion. Pidge and Hunk were positively shaking in silent mirth.

"What point?" Coran asked. "Where is this point my mustache is on?"

At this the Yellow and Green paladins burst out laughing at his confusion and Lance scrambled to explain.

"Well, that could've gone better," Shiro quietly surmised with an exasperated look.

"Could've been worse," Keith said. "He could've said Coran's mustache was on _fleek_."

Shiro made a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a groan. Keith took it that he agreed that saying that would've been much worse.


	3. Time

Allura and Coran were well aware that the Paladins have very different ways of doing and saying things. However, they never thought Earth culture could be so… Confusing. They thought they'd gotten a grasp on how humans tell time, but…

Shiro was never this late. Somehow, the other Paladins were ready, but Shiro was not. Allura was beginning to worry that something was very wrong.

"Dude, what is up with Shiro today?" Hunk asked.

"I have no idea," Keith responded. "I went to get him like, five minutes ago and he said: _'Just a sec'_."

"Five minutes is not a 'sec'," Pidge stated.

"Yeah, _I_ know that. Tell that to Shiro."

Almost four doboshes later Shiro appeared, looking no worse for wear than usual, so Allura took it as a good sign.

"Dude, that was _not_ a sec!" Keith admonished.

Shiro sheepishly apologized while Allura stared in confusion. Had they not already established what a second was?

"Wait, where's Lance?" Coran suddenly asked.

They all looked around, finally realizing that Lance wasn't there. Allura sighed, and insisted that they start without him.

"Where the heck even is Lance anyway?" Keith asked.

"I was trying to wake him up," Shiro explained. "He kept saying 'Just a sec', but as you can see I gave up and came back here."

"Yeah, he could sleep through World War IV happening right outside his bedroom door," Hunk said.

Pidge snorted and Keith smirked in agreement. Shiro tried not to roll his eyes at the statement, but the tiniest of smiles gracing his features gave away his amusement. Deciding to ignore the 'war' part of the statement, Allura began the exercise. Roughly thirty doboshes later, Lance finally waltzed in, looking near perfect; as per Lance.

"Sorry I'm late guys."

" _'Sorry I'm late guys'_ puh-leeze," Pidge scoffed. "I'm one of the only girl here and _I_ get ready in way less time."

Lance looked severely offended but for once didn't rise at the jab.

"Whatever. What am I supposed to be doing?"

Allura chose to ignore her growing her confusion over human time-keeping terminologies to explain to Lance the purpose of the exercise as well as what to do. Over the course of the practice she'd forgotten her curiosity until the next quintaint when she walked past the Green Lion's hangar. Hunk and Pidge must have been working on their own separate projects when called Hunk over without looking up.

"Just a sec Pidge!" the Yellow Paladin called back.

The very tick he said that, Allura began counting how many ticks it took before he moved away from his… Whatever it was to go and help Pidge. By her count it was almost four ticks. If she remembered correctly, a 'sec' was supposed to be a bit shorter than a tick. So why did Hunk say 'Just a sec' when it took four ticks? Hadn't they established that one sec was shorter than a tick? Or had she misinterpreted that conversation entirely? The thoughts plagued her even as she continued to run a systems check on the training deck.

Keith and Shiro were there engaged in hand-to-hand combat and were doing fairly impressive for their level. Then she called them over and explained that she wanted to run a system check and asked for their assistance.

"Just a sec, let me grab my bayard," Keith said, scuttling out the door.

Just like before, Allura took the time to count the ticks it took for him to get back. By her count, he returned in just under two doboshes. She found herself moving on autopilot as she again questioned human time-keeping. When they tests were over, she found herself moving towards the Green Lion's hangar again.

"This program will only take a sec to upload," Allura heard Pidge assure Hunk.

Alluras decided not to bother counting and made her way to the bridge to check defense systems. She didn't see any of the Paladins again until several vargas later at dinner. Even then, she noticed the green Paladin was missing.

"Where is Pidge?" she asked the others.

"She's uploading some kind of new program on her laptop," Hunk answered absentmindedly.

It took all of Allura's training as a diplomat to keep her face straight at the statement. She took another bit from her plate before motioning to Coran. The advisor leaned in to listen to the princess.

"How _long_ is a second?" the befuddled young woman softly asked.

"I have no idea."


	4. Dessert

Pidge and Keith made their way towards the hall where they — or rather Lance — kept Kaltenecker. They were all surprised that Lance knew how to care for a cow, much less that he actually _could_. So there he was in the east wing of the Castle sitting on the fence of the enclosure, feeding Kaltenecker, and _singing_.

 _Do you hear me?_

 _Talking to you_

 _Across the water,_

 _Across the deep, blue ocean_

 _Under the open sky, oh my_

 _Baby I'm trying_

"Wow Lance, I didn't know you could sing," Pidge said with a genuine smile.

The Blue Paladin jolted and grinned, turning to face his friends. Hunk smiled warmly, knowing Lance hadn't sung a note since they left Earth. Back at the Garrison Lace was always humming, always whistling, but he seemed to quiet down after the started living in the castle.

"Yeah, there's a lot of things you don't know about me Pidge."

The Blue paladin turned back to his bovine companion and Pidge joined him, leaning forward on the make-shift fence.

"I know we were all excited about getting a cow earlier; but will her milk even be safe to drink?"

"I actually already checked her over," Lance admitted. "Her original ID number is 3-6-9-1-9-1-4-5-9-8-9-2-6-7-7-9, and was the property of Sweeter Side Dairy. They take very good care of their cattle so I'm sure she's had all her shots."

"How the heck do you know?" Pidge asked incredulously.

"My grandparents run a dairy farm and Sweeter Side is one of their competitors. I recognize the branding on her shank."

Hunk and Pidge's attentions were directed to one of Kaltenecker's hind-legs where, indeed there was a brand mark. Pidge adjusted her glasses with a slight look of surprise.

"Well," Hunk said. "If Lance says she's clean, we're in the clear."

So, Lance got the milk and assisted Hunk in making the cheese as Pidge watched in fascination. The two worked together and by the time dinner was ready they had a lovely little cheesecake ready for dessert. The two Alteans in particular were excited to try an 'Earth-delicacy', curious of their Paladin's culture. Keith and Shiro were just silently pleased. When Pidge took a bite, she almost _cried_. It was so good it was almost sinful. Then again, that might've also been the longing for something familiar talking. She pushed it aside and dug into the pastry with glee.

"OMG, Hunk! I would kill someone for this cheesecake!"

Before Hunk could even think to thank her, Coran had snatched up Allura's plate and flung it at Pidge. The slice hit the youngest Paladin's face with a 'splat', stunning all the others into silence. Pidge recovered first, blinking in confusion.

"What just happened?"

Poor, poor simply Allura stared in nonplussed disappointment at the area her food had occupied. Coran on the other hand looked downright mad. Ready to pounce on any would-be attacker.

"She said she'd kill someone for the cheesecake, so I let her have it," he said.

Keith facepalmed at the misunderstanding while Lance and Pidge giggled. Hunk and Shiro on the other hand shared a sigh.

"Coran, that was just a human expression. Pidge wouldn't actually kill anyone for the cheesecake."

"Says you," Pidge commented with a wicked smirk and an evil glint.

"Alright, thats it," Shiro interjected. "Starting tomorrow, we're teaching Coran and the princess English. We can't keep having more of these mix-ups. Someone could get seriously hurt."

"Not it!"

"Not it!"

"Not it!"

"Not it!"

Pidge, Keith, Lance, and Shiro all looked over to the Yellow Paladin. Hunk breathed a sigh of defeat.

"Fine."


End file.
